How Does One NFL Player Offend Almost Everyone?

And whose reality is this anyway???

I intended for my next post to be called ‘The Lament of the Unemployed’ (a working title). It’s full of (what I hope are) witty anecdotes describing my recent journey through job interviews, rejections, and hard conversations about what my future looks like in the U.K.

Instead, I want to talk about something that has flashed across my Substack and news feed this week that I cannot stop thinking about. But first I want to preface this conversation with an ‘Elli’s Endorsement’ that I think will act as a nice segue.

I have been listening to the audiobook Doppelganger: A Trip into the Mirror World by Canadian journalist and author Naomi Klein. I have been completely consumed by this book. My Audible subscription offers me one free credit a month that I treasure, and I do a lot of online sleuthing before I pick my next audio read. I found Doppelganger because it’s currently on the Shortlist for the Women’s Nonfiction Prize amongst many other top ten lists and shortlists and rightly so.

The book is born from a case of constant mistaken identity. Klein is a social activist who is constantly held accountable online for the words and actions of conspiracy theorist Naomi Wolf, also a journalist and author. This constant comparison to ‘other Naomi’ as she calls Wolf, sends Klein down a rabbit hole she calls ‘the mirror world’, exploring the concept of the shadow self and doppelganger, a topic that has been explored throughout literature for years.

This is a five-star read; I have absolutely loved it. One of the many things that Klein speaks about so articulately with reference to COVID-19 conspiracies, is the idea of debate in this modern age of twitter and social media. I have included my favourite quote below…

‘The point is, that on either side of the reflective glass, we are not having disagreements on differing interpretations of reality. We are having disagreements about who is in reality and who is in a simulation.’

My god… isn’t this exactly what happens online these days? How often do we come across someone on social media spouting some version of ‘I know the truth’ and ‘we’re being lied to, but I know better’. I have started referring to this behaviour as lazy debating. It’s so much easier to insult someone else’s ability to understand than it is to reassess how we may not be doing the best job in describing our stance, or to accept that the other person just simply does not agree.  

All of which brings me to a person I do not endorse.

Harrison Butker plays for the Kansas City Chiefs alongside Travis Kelce (Taylor Swift’s boyfriend). Butker has just this week delivered the commencement speech for Benedictine College’s graduating 2024 class.

Harrison Butker is what I call a lazy debater, stating in his speech that he fears “speaking truth, because now unfortunately truth is in the minority”.

But speak he did and unfortunate it was.

Liz Plank’s Airplane Mode article ‘NFL player tells women to go back to the kitchen’ is a fantastic summary of everything wrong with this speech. Butker addresses the men in the graduating class and encourages them to be “unapologetic in your masculinity” and “fight against the cultural emasculation of men”… does that set the tone for you?

Butker then addresses the women in the audience and que my long-suffering sigh. With a tone and expression that I can only describe as pitying, Butker congratulates them on their achievements before telling them they can essentially hang up their hats now and go home to cook dinner. I’m going to include the whole quote for some lovely context…

“I want to speak directly to you briefly, because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you. How many of you are sitting here now, about to cross this stage, and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career? Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture a guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.”

Hallelujah! A big strong man finally comes to rescue us damsels in distress by telling us what we want.

I watched the full commencement speech; twenty minutes of what I can only describe as hogwash. Ben got up and left five minutes in and proceeded to heckle me from the next room, asking me why the hell I was wasting my time watching something so completely uneducated and misinformed. I am astounded how many groups of people Butker has managed to offend in one twenty-minute speech, all the while, and this is probably where my outrage hit its peak, quoting Taylor Swift.

The irony is strong in this one.

I stalked into the bedroom where Ben was scrolling through Tik Tok and ranted and paced while Ben watched on, his focus split between me and his phone. I told Ben that Butker was facing a lot of online criticism to which Ben responded that he didn’t understand why people were paying any attention. He has a platform, I replied as I threw my hands in the air, he’s a public figure and this speech has not only been approved by the university but requested!!!!!!

It is this kind of occurrence that causes Klein’s work in Doppelganger to land so heavily. Butker and I are indeed, living in two very different realities.

We know that the wonderful thing about democracy is that everyone is entitled to their opinion. The freedom to have an opinion is a privilege and I’m not here to strip anyone of that right. The equally wonderful thing about democracy is that I am in turn allowed to think someone else’s opinion is utterly moronic.

Butker’s bigotry runs deep but he must know his audience because he got a standing ovation for his speech. One female graduate interviewed with People magazine and said, “There was a standing ovation from everyone in the room except from me, my roommate and about 10-15 other women.” My heart breaks for those women. Is this really the kind of message being thrown at them on a day that’s supposed to celebrate their achievements and the exciting possibilities in their future?

I will no longer be accepting any form of funny joke about women in kitchens, no matter how innocently or jovially they are intended. It is all too real for it to be funny.